Men and Weddings

‘Men and weddings go together well: most Grooms want to be heavily involved in all the preparations and have to be consoled about not being able to help choose the wedding dress’ …….

.......Sound familiar? All right, probably not, but during my eight years of wedding planning I have seen quite a shift in attitude from Grooms, with around 30% showing a lot of interest in organising the perfect day and, in a couple of cases, very much taking the reins.

I believe much of this has to do with people choosing to marry a little later and often paying for the majority of the wedding as a couple rather than looking to parents for finance. In talking to Grooms it is also a question of wanting to put on a great party and give friends and family excellent food and wine and wow them with interesting entertainment, which of course includes the speeches: traditionally the domain of the men.

However, if you are a Bride and you don’t feel your husband to be is interested or involved, don’t despair. He was the one, probably, who went down on one knee to ask you to marry him so he definitely wants the wedding: he may simply not be as absorbed by the shade and width of your chair cover ties as perhaps you and your Mum are. There are generally elements of the wedding which he will have more interest in, so why not establish what they are and agree that he will organise, or at least take the lead in, these. Classic suggestions would be:

Transport

Have him view and shortlist some options: some Grooms choose to hire a fabulous sports car to drive them to the Church for something a little different.

Honeymoon

Traditionally one of the items the Groom would pay for, many still organise the honeymoon as a complete surprise for their Bride, ensuring, of course, she knows sufficient about the destination to have had the right shots and packed suitable clothing.

Attire

I would generally advise waiting until the Bride has chosen her dress and those of any bridesmaids, plus the overall colour scheme for the day, thus ensuring no ghastly faux pas whereby you have a bright orange tie and the ladies are all in purple. Once this is done, I would advise Grooms to plan their attire and book any formal hire around four to five months prior to the wedding.

Drinks

With wines from so many parts of the world being easily accessible these days many of us have more than a passing interest in grape varieties and bouquets. Whether you are choosing from a hotel wine list, planning a booze cruise to do your own thing or simply visiting your local off license this is an area which many Grooms are more than happy to be in charge of.

Speeches

These days there are really no taboos about who makes a speech at a wedding. In the UK many brides or ‘best women’ will get up and speak whereas in America pretty much anyone will toast the happy couple and take two minutes to say a few words, which can be lovely. However, in my experience, around 80% of us still go for the traditional three speeches, all made by our most beloved chaps.

So, for the male readers amongst you, go for it. We all love to hear a well delivered, fun filled, ‘not-too-embarrassing’ speech, so it is worth taking your time, checking it over with a couple of trusted mates, and making your Bride the proudest girl in the world on your big day.

And as for the Best Man…..remember, make it funny, make it cool, make the bridesmaids drool but make sure nobody will be genuinely offended by any jokes or comments you make.

Give the guys a break

In the end there are many Grooms and indeed Fathers of Brides who have very little interest in the detail. If your fiancé is dragging his heels and really only thinking about putting a ring on your finger and having a fabulous holiday, so be it: you probably didn’t fall for him because of his party planning skills anyway. Also, the wedding is just the beginning: later in your marriage you might be pleased that you get to choose the wall colours, the furnishings and the menus!